This is mainly an update on how life has been going for me! I will put in a different color font my dental portions for those of you who are only interested in such. I'm also tired, so excuse my worse than normal writing skills. :)
When I last visited the Dentist, I did not get my braces off like expected. Instead I got another ligature, and my rubber band class moved up. I was told by my next appointment, if my teeth shifted enough, I would then have my braces taken off. I also have to get a cavity in my upper right molar filled. My mouth truly rejects my teeth! Hopefully, I am on the path to having a nearly perfect smile.
It is officially 2019, and I am hoping there are mostly good things in store for me this year! On the first, I was told I'd be getting a raise; and on the fifth, I found out I couldn't keep a job... Since I don't drive yet (I know, an 18 year old who doesn't drive! Alert the media...) and my family car (aside from my fathers vehicle) was the only source of transportation I had.. Notice I said was.. Well, I couldn't keep my job.
My father going to work and having to also come home and drive me or pick me up, became too much of an obstacle. Also, since we live off of paycheck to paycheck, financially everything has gone downhill. This has also affected me and my family emotionally since we now rarely leave the house or do anything. I hate to be so depressing, but overall, things haven't been going great, and I just don't lie. Especially when it comes to this. Sometimes I feel like the only thing that I have that's real anymore is this journey and what I've written. Having a job has made me realize many things.
For example, I always knew that some people are rude, but I guess I never knew just how many. I have been cussed out, put down, harassed and so on. The amount of anxiety I had going into this job verses my attitude leaving, is drastically different. I don't care so much anymore about being judged by others, which is a positive takeaway. I have had a lot of time to think now, and have made up my mind on a few things that will be within my reach soon. I decided that I'm going to risk it all for a music career. I've been wanting to be a singer since I was four and have never shaken it.
About 6 years ago, I started posting on Smule and SoundCloud by just holding my phone up to my mouth, and believe me; it is just as awful as it sounds! Somehow, I managed to get a ton of views on certain tracks which has made me feel a bit more motivated, but once again, there's a setback. I don't have a suitable computer to record and/or produce music on anymore. So, in addition to having to save for a car; SOMEHOW get my license AND go to college, I also need a computer FOR COLLEGE and to be able to do my music stuff seriously again. Ugh. Can't I just win the lottery?
I only need to win about $5,000. I can buy a new fridge for my family so we can stop putting our milk in the freezer. I can buy 2 cheap cars (one for my family and one for me personally) and I could get a computer and any left over money my parents could put towards the bills that are piling up.
I know this post was probably not what you were expecting, but I just felt like over sharing tonight.
I hope all of you are doing okay, and I hope everyone had Happy Holidays. If you feel like sharing some positive vibes, feel free to comment any good things in your life. Whether they are past, present or future. You can comment whatever you're thinking or feeling, really! :D Anyways, have a good night, and I'll post again soon. My next appointment is January 25th.
Monday, January 14, 2019
Tuesday, November 27, 2018
Update on Life: What’s next? 11/27/18
Hey everyone,
I am typing this on my cellphone, while also half asleep. I apologize in advance!
It has been far too long since I last posted about what’s going on with my dental work, as well as in my life. I now have a job at FoodLion as a cashier! I also graduated from High School and am working towards college! I have braces and have been going every four weeks to tighten them, and see where things need to be moved. I’ve had several contraptions put in so far to work towards having a symmetrical and healthy smile. :) I’ll try to explain the best I can.. My Eyetooth was pulled down with an anchor and then had a sidewinder placed on it to turn it straight. Some of my bottom teeth that were turned inwards had sidewinders places on them to turn them out. Lately, my dentists and I have been working on making my midline even, by shifting my upper teeth over to the right more. A crucial part on my end is making sure I’m putting in my rubber bands when necessary, and changing them when needed. The rubber bands have been helping pull my upper teeth over my bottom so I don’t develop an overbite. I’ve had braces now for about a year, possibly a year and 6 months. My next visit is on December 18th, and I will be having a 3D Scan done to see what all needs to be done now. I was also told I’ll be finding out if I can have my braces removed and the rest of my teeth put in.
As I’m nearing the end of this whole process, I have noticed drastic changes about myself internally and externally.
I smile, a lot! I never used to smile.... I would smirk. I would never laugh, either without covering my mouth with my hand. I’ve noticed I constantly smile and laugh now. I still will cover my mouth occasionally or turn away from people, but I’m not so self-conscious about my mouth as I was before. I also have been eating better.
When I got my braces, I was blending all of my foods. I was afraid to eat many things because of my braces.. I would feel embarrassed and foolish every time I would prepare food in front of my family.. Luckily, my family was/is extremely supportive of my ordeal and my Pseudodysphagiag. Slowly but surely, I wouldn’t blend my foods as much, leaving texture to it. Like an infant, I gradually ate foods with more texture and more to chew.. Now, I’m proud to say I have extended my food options. I can now eat things like Chicken Salad, Fish, Fettuccini, etc.
Now when I look in the mirror, I don’t only look better, but I feel better.
I’m rather excited to share with all of you, and expose the amazing people who have been helping me and supporting me since I was a child.
My family raised me on the expressions of family being all you’ve got. That a families love is unconditional and trust is without borders. From all of the bullying and pain I endured as a child; at a young age I was under the impression that kindness was on the brink of extinction.
I wanted so desperately for someone to prove me wrong, and someone did.
No one asked my dentists to take over 6 figures out of their own pockets and use it on a 16 year old girl with bad genes and bad luck. No one told them they must make everything perfect and use only the best materials and so on. No one made them take me on as their patient. They did that out of love, out of trust in each other and me and out of the kindness of their hearts. The amount of respect and appreciation I have for them is beyond words or my moral understanding.
I started writing this blog to raise awareness of disorders like mine, and to share a life changing experience with anyone willing to listen.
In some way, I plan to repay them for their dedication and hard work... I just need to figure out HOW.
I hope everyone had a Happy Thanksgiving! I’ll be posting again before Christmas about how it went! Thank you for all of the support throughout this experience, it may not seem like much to you, but it means everything to me! 💕
I am typing this on my cellphone, while also half asleep. I apologize in advance!
It has been far too long since I last posted about what’s going on with my dental work, as well as in my life. I now have a job at FoodLion as a cashier! I also graduated from High School and am working towards college! I have braces and have been going every four weeks to tighten them, and see where things need to be moved. I’ve had several contraptions put in so far to work towards having a symmetrical and healthy smile. :) I’ll try to explain the best I can.. My Eyetooth was pulled down with an anchor and then had a sidewinder placed on it to turn it straight. Some of my bottom teeth that were turned inwards had sidewinders places on them to turn them out. Lately, my dentists and I have been working on making my midline even, by shifting my upper teeth over to the right more. A crucial part on my end is making sure I’m putting in my rubber bands when necessary, and changing them when needed. The rubber bands have been helping pull my upper teeth over my bottom so I don’t develop an overbite. I’ve had braces now for about a year, possibly a year and 6 months. My next visit is on December 18th, and I will be having a 3D Scan done to see what all needs to be done now. I was also told I’ll be finding out if I can have my braces removed and the rest of my teeth put in.
As I’m nearing the end of this whole process, I have noticed drastic changes about myself internally and externally.
I smile, a lot! I never used to smile.... I would smirk. I would never laugh, either without covering my mouth with my hand. I’ve noticed I constantly smile and laugh now. I still will cover my mouth occasionally or turn away from people, but I’m not so self-conscious about my mouth as I was before. I also have been eating better.
When I got my braces, I was blending all of my foods. I was afraid to eat many things because of my braces.. I would feel embarrassed and foolish every time I would prepare food in front of my family.. Luckily, my family was/is extremely supportive of my ordeal and my Pseudodysphagiag. Slowly but surely, I wouldn’t blend my foods as much, leaving texture to it. Like an infant, I gradually ate foods with more texture and more to chew.. Now, I’m proud to say I have extended my food options. I can now eat things like Chicken Salad, Fish, Fettuccini, etc.
Now when I look in the mirror, I don’t only look better, but I feel better.
I’m rather excited to share with all of you, and expose the amazing people who have been helping me and supporting me since I was a child.
My family raised me on the expressions of family being all you’ve got. That a families love is unconditional and trust is without borders. From all of the bullying and pain I endured as a child; at a young age I was under the impression that kindness was on the brink of extinction.
I wanted so desperately for someone to prove me wrong, and someone did.
No one asked my dentists to take over 6 figures out of their own pockets and use it on a 16 year old girl with bad genes and bad luck. No one told them they must make everything perfect and use only the best materials and so on. No one made them take me on as their patient. They did that out of love, out of trust in each other and me and out of the kindness of their hearts. The amount of respect and appreciation I have for them is beyond words or my moral understanding.
I started writing this blog to raise awareness of disorders like mine, and to share a life changing experience with anyone willing to listen.
In some way, I plan to repay them for their dedication and hard work... I just need to figure out HOW.
I hope everyone had a Happy Thanksgiving! I’ll be posting again before Christmas about how it went! Thank you for all of the support throughout this experience, it may not seem like much to you, but it means everything to me! 💕
Wednesday, March 21, 2018
January 16th, 2018 - I GOT MY BRACES!
I'm awful!
I am completely pitiful at keeping up with these blog posts!
Ah...
I don't know the next date exactly I will be posting again, but I will still be posting as I go through the rest of my appointments no matter how small or insignificant.
I finally got my braces!
I'm so happy, but I'm in so much pain!
In my opinion (because of all of the other things I have gone through), I feel I have a very high pain tolerance...
In the beginning, for the first 10 days, the pain was extremely irritating. It was not unbearable, though. From the brackets rubbing against the inside of my cheek, I developed sores that were almost like holes in my mouth.
The reason this happened was because I hadn't been aware the wax the dentist gave me would work as a barrier to keep from my braces causing sores, cuts, etc. Slowly but surely, I weened myself off of the wax so that my mouth could adjust and create grooves for the braces.
It's been almost a month, and I only have to occasionally use the wax, as my teeth shift, on the wire as it grows longer.
I wanted to say thank you to everyone for being so supportive and for keeping me in their thoughts. January 16th the one year anniversary since all of this has started. I never thought I'd be able to smile confidently
I'm currently a senior now in High school with only 4 months remaining. I'm in the middle of completing my Senior Project, as well as figuring out what I will do after high school.
I'll be attending a community college to do a 2-year transfer (so I can stay for the rest of my appointments) to East Carolina University to study music.
I am completely pitiful at keeping up with these blog posts!
Ah...
I don't know the next date exactly I will be posting again, but I will still be posting as I go through the rest of my appointments no matter how small or insignificant.
I finally got my braces!
I'm so happy, but I'm in so much pain!
In my opinion (because of all of the other things I have gone through), I feel I have a very high pain tolerance...
In the beginning, for the first 10 days, the pain was extremely irritating. It was not unbearable, though. From the brackets rubbing against the inside of my cheek, I developed sores that were almost like holes in my mouth.
The reason this happened was because I hadn't been aware the wax the dentist gave me would work as a barrier to keep from my braces causing sores, cuts, etc. Slowly but surely, I weened myself off of the wax so that my mouth could adjust and create grooves for the braces.
It's been almost a month, and I only have to occasionally use the wax, as my teeth shift, on the wire as it grows longer.
I wanted to say thank you to everyone for being so supportive and for keeping me in their thoughts. January 16th the one year anniversary since all of this has started. I never thought I'd be able to smile confidently
I'm currently a senior now in High school with only 4 months remaining. I'm in the middle of completing my Senior Project, as well as figuring out what I will do after high school.
I'll be attending a community college to do a 2-year transfer (so I can stay for the rest of my appointments) to East Carolina University to study music.
Thursday, October 19, 2017
Update on Life! 10/19/17
Hey guys,
Purple highlighted text is about my mouth surgeries, the rest is about, well... life! :)
Life has been eventful.
I've been distracting myself as much as possible, due to not hearing any news about my mouth. Today, I'm due for my second teeth cleaning after school... Last time I was there (6 months ago), I was supposed to be scheduled for my last major procedure.
My last major procedure will be getting fillings on the remaining teeth in my mouth, and receiving braces while under gas.
Again, I'm very sorry I haven't been posting, life has been taking many unexpected twists and turns.
On a more personal note:
Both of my parents' cars have made their way to the junk yard. My father has been having to come up with an additional $240.00 a week in order for our family to have transportation (which is very difficult when it comes to only one person, supporting a family of five, who gets paid (basically) on commission). I recently went into a spiraling depression because of my significant other of about three years cheating on me, and etc. I know it was just high school love and I'll get over it, it just sucks for the time being. :)
Life has just been difficult, but I know it'll turn around! I just got to stay positive! I'll update tomorrow, or ASAP when I find out more information on my surgeries!
Thank you again for the support.. I truly appreciate it :')
Sam
Purple highlighted text is about my mouth surgeries, the rest is about, well... life! :)
Life has been eventful.
I've been distracting myself as much as possible, due to not hearing any news about my mouth. Today, I'm due for my second teeth cleaning after school... Last time I was there (6 months ago), I was supposed to be scheduled for my last major procedure.
My last major procedure will be getting fillings on the remaining teeth in my mouth, and receiving braces while under gas.
Again, I'm very sorry I haven't been posting, life has been taking many unexpected twists and turns.
On a more personal note:
Both of my parents' cars have made their way to the junk yard. My father has been having to come up with an additional $240.00 a week in order for our family to have transportation (which is very difficult when it comes to only one person, supporting a family of five, who gets paid (basically) on commission). I recently went into a spiraling depression because of my significant other of about three years cheating on me, and etc. I know it was just high school love and I'll get over it, it just sucks for the time being. :)
Life has just been difficult, but I know it'll turn around! I just got to stay positive! I'll update tomorrow, or ASAP when I find out more information on my surgeries!
Thank you again for the support.. I truly appreciate it :')
Sam
Update on Life! 4/13/17
I'm finally 17! I thought I'd be more excited, but I was pretty mellow. :)
I figured I'd just post about how things have been since my last post had such a wide gap between the surgery and recovery.. I'm really sorry about that by the way.. I was depressed, and well, you get it.
ANYWAYS, I'm trying to stay optimistic! So here's a friendly update on how life's been for me! :D
I am back in school. I know you're probably hoping everything's going well, but honestly, It's.. not and I wish I wasn't in school.
Rumors claim I made up my disorder for attention, I made up the surgery, etc. My school counselor told me to tell her if I was having problems, but half of the problems i'm having wouldn't be believable anyways or helpful (considering I don't know names, and I don't have any evidence) I really hate talking about it to people. When I got back I mostly talked about it to the people that asked like Close friends, Teachers, staff.. The people I had to. The people who I wanted to share with.
It just saddens me that people believe I actually would make something like this up. :/
I figured I'd just post about how things have been since my last post had such a wide gap between the surgery and recovery.. I'm really sorry about that by the way.. I was depressed, and well, you get it.
ANYWAYS, I'm trying to stay optimistic! So here's a friendly update on how life's been for me! :D
I am back in school. I know you're probably hoping everything's going well, but honestly, It's.. not and I wish I wasn't in school.
Rumors claim I made up my disorder for attention, I made up the surgery, etc. My school counselor told me to tell her if I was having problems, but half of the problems i'm having wouldn't be believable anyways or helpful (considering I don't know names, and I don't have any evidence) I really hate talking about it to people. When I got back I mostly talked about it to the people that asked like Close friends, Teachers, staff.. The people I had to. The people who I wanted to share with.
It just saddens me that people believe I actually would make something like this up. :/
Thursday, April 13, 2017
MY SURGERY HAPPENED FOR REAL!
Hey guys,
I am so sorry I haven't posted in awhile (also sorry the post is long)...
It's been very stressful lately...
In January, I was suppose to have my mouth surgery. As most of you know from my last post, it was rescheduled due to a death in the family. My surgery was at the beginning of February. Originally, it was going to be sometime in the middle of February, but they had an opening and decided to fit me in. So I ended up getting the call 2 days in advance! I went into the waiting room the morning of the surgery and immediately panicked... There was NO CALMING ME DOWN.
I waited for a good 30 - 40 minutes. In that time, I awkwardly took pictures of my mouth in a waiting room full of people since I forgot to take pictures at home (I got so many weird looks XD)! YAY! When they finally called me in, I was trembling and could barely stand. I walked gravely behind the nurse (I guarantee if I saw my face I would have laughed out loud) and went into the room where they would perform the extraction surgery.
First, they put me on nitrous. I was very tired as it was, and with the nitrous, was fading quick. I was losing consciousness every 5 seconds.. waking up over and over again.
IT WAS SCARY reason being since I was so afraid, my heart was beating so hard I was passing out, my body was spasming to the point (not trying to be offensive) I thought I was possibly having a seizure, and I was crying. I remember gaining consciousness and seeing my doctor in my face which made me jump. He kept telling me to take deep breaths in through my nose and exhale through my mouth (so i'd breathe in more of the gas) as he started to massage my temple.
When I calmed down (enough :D), he wrapped a tourniquet around my arm and put in the IV. The female nurse attached heart monitors to my chest (1 on my stomach, and 2 right above my breasts) and a heart monitor clip to my finger. Within five minutes, I was unconscious and officially in surgery.
When I woke up(at home), I remembered being in a wheelchair. It was very odd because unlike other times I was under anesthesia, I could remember everything, didn't try to make my mother crash the car, and could even talk (to an extent). I mumbled in the car and tried to pull out my gauze (of course (disorder)). When I got home I fell asleep.
When I woke up at home, I immediately was scared to look in the mirror. I had 14 teeth removed, so of course I knew I wasn't going to look my best. I was surprised to see I actually looked well. I was slightly pale, definitely swollen, and exhausted.
The nights were the worst. For 2 weeks, I only got 1 hour of sleep every 24 hours total (and that's if I was lucky). I usually lay on my right side and that was where the most damage was done since I had a root that had to be cut in half and removed around my jawbone.
For about 2 months I could only drink things. I would have been able to eat sooner (with the clip in teeth) if the place the doctors sent my molds to didn't screw them up (twice)!
My stitches started dissolving soon after the surgery. I had about 13-16 stitches total. It got to the point they were hanging out of my mouth even when it was closed. I started taking tweezers and taking them out. Occasionally i'd pull too hard and be in a world of pain.. I was also worried about accidentally removing stitches that were not ready, but I learned which ones to remove and which ones not to, pretty fast.
I currently am only able to eat about 4 foods which include soups, applesauce, mashed potatoes, or blended mac & cheese (considering it's the only food capable of being blended without altering the taste).
Honesty at 16 years old, I never thought I'd be removing my own stitches never mind going through jaw and teeth surgery (this serious)..
Before, I honestly thought I wasn't strong enough to handle this (that terrified me). I especially felt weak the 2 weeks I was up all night crying or having panic attacks from the medication, but honestly, who wouldn't (at my age at least).
I also found out I'm too young for implants, so I'll be getting something similar to them (I don't know the name, but i'll figure it out).
I know I'm not completely done with reconstruction of my mouth, but I'm still glad the most difficult part is over. It's only going to get better from here.
For myy next appointment, i'll be getting anesthesia again for fillings in the teeth remaining.
When I calmed down (enough :D), he wrapped a tourniquet around my arm and put in the IV. The female nurse attached heart monitors to my chest (1 on my stomach, and 2 right above my breasts) and a heart monitor clip to my finger. Within five minutes, I was unconscious and officially in surgery.
When I woke up(at home), I remembered being in a wheelchair. It was very odd because unlike other times I was under anesthesia, I could remember everything, didn't try to make my mother crash the car, and could even talk (to an extent). I mumbled in the car and tried to pull out my gauze (of course (disorder)). When I got home I fell asleep.
When I woke up at home, I immediately was scared to look in the mirror. I had 14 teeth removed, so of course I knew I wasn't going to look my best. I was surprised to see I actually looked well. I was slightly pale, definitely swollen, and exhausted.
The nights were the worst. For 2 weeks, I only got 1 hour of sleep every 24 hours total (and that's if I was lucky). I usually lay on my right side and that was where the most damage was done since I had a root that had to be cut in half and removed around my jawbone.
For about 2 months I could only drink things. I would have been able to eat sooner (with the clip in teeth) if the place the doctors sent my molds to didn't screw them up (twice)!
My stitches started dissolving soon after the surgery. I had about 13-16 stitches total. It got to the point they were hanging out of my mouth even when it was closed. I started taking tweezers and taking them out. Occasionally i'd pull too hard and be in a world of pain.. I was also worried about accidentally removing stitches that were not ready, but I learned which ones to remove and which ones not to, pretty fast.
I currently am only able to eat about 4 foods which include soups, applesauce, mashed potatoes, or blended mac & cheese (considering it's the only food capable of being blended without altering the taste).
Honesty at 16 years old, I never thought I'd be removing my own stitches never mind going through jaw and teeth surgery (this serious)..
Before, I honestly thought I wasn't strong enough to handle this (that terrified me). I especially felt weak the 2 weeks I was up all night crying or having panic attacks from the medication, but honestly, who wouldn't (at my age at least).
I also found out I'm too young for implants, so I'll be getting something similar to them (I don't know the name, but i'll figure it out).
I know I'm not completely done with reconstruction of my mouth, but I'm still glad the most difficult part is over. It's only going to get better from here.
For myy next appointment, i'll be getting anesthesia again for fillings in the teeth remaining.
Tuesday, January 31, 2017
January 27th, 2017 - The surgery WAS scheduled...
The surgery was scheduled!
~ I will make this brief. ~
So my surgery was scheduled for January 26th. When I found out, my heart was racing and to be honest, I felt a little scared.
My mom was scared for me, but also concerned considering a family member recently passed away.
She didn't know wether to reschedule my appointment or risk going through with the surgery on January 26th if she had to leave for New York on January 28th.
The way I worded that is a little confusing, but long story short my appointment will now be sometime towards the end of February. I don't want to make any assumptions yet about the exact date, but I will make sure to keep everyone updated.
My mom thinks I should post videos or images on these blog posts as well, but I'm a little nervous to do that right now... I will most likely post pictures and videos at the end, and make it one long post.
My mom was scared for me, but also concerned considering a family member recently passed away.
She didn't know wether to reschedule my appointment or risk going through with the surgery on January 26th if she had to leave for New York on January 28th.
The way I worded that is a little confusing, but long story short my appointment will now be sometime towards the end of February. I don't want to make any assumptions yet about the exact date, but I will make sure to keep everyone updated.
My mom thinks I should post videos or images on these blog posts as well, but I'm a little nervous to do that right now... I will most likely post pictures and videos at the end, and make it one long post.
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